Growth is more than Height

It is amazing the change in our foster sons.  To be honest, being with them 24/7 we don’t really notice or realize the changes.  We hope we are making an impact on them, nurturing them, and making a difference with them; but, we don’t recognize it and sometimes feel overwhelmed.  It seems like we are still saying the same things, explaining the same things, and redirecting for the same things.  We hear from our agency, our case manager, and the boys’ case worker that we are doing a great job and to just keep doing what we’re doing.

Luckily I have typed up daily behavioral notes since they boys arrived, which has given us something to look back on to see the changes we don’t recognize in the moment.  They were never extreme in their behavior, not to the extreme of the stories we’ve heard foster parents describe as treatment foster homes, but just different from what we were used to which made it challenging for us.  Some of the stories we’ve heard from those treatment foster parents make me realize how thankful I am we are only a traditional foster home at this particular time.  As long as we have our own children in our home, our first priority will be to keep them out of harm’s way.  So, for now we will stick to traditional placements.

One of the immediate changes we have noticed in the boys since they arrived is how they have physically grown.  I was pretty sure they had grown based on the way their pajama bottoms were fitting or better yet not fitting them.  They definitely appeared to have both gotten taller.  So, I pulled their intake medical form and to my surprise from June 21^st to September 9^th they both grew at least three inches each.  WOW!!  That is amazing!  In ten weeks, they both were three inches taller.  The older boy had also gained almost a pound and the little guy gained over two pounds, but they GREW!! 

I remember the first couple of days, maybe even weeks they were here they were constantly asking for something to eat. The older boy was constantly eating at mealtime and in between meals.  The little one was constantly drinking milk and juice.  It seems they have settled into a good eating habit.  They are definitely big eaters! 

It’s encouraging because the little one wouldn’t eat anything but finger foods when he got here, and he didn’t eat but a couple of things.  Now he’s eating with a kiddie fork and spoon and his palate has been expanded.  As far as potatoes, the only kinds either boy will eat are tator tots and French fries. What kid doesn’t like mashed potatoes, twice baked mashed potatoes, cheesy potatoes, or parsley potatoes?  Well, we have two little boys who turn up their noses anytime those types of potatoes show up on their plates. 

I can see why they say to introduce vegetables first to babies.  Neither one of these boys will eat corn, creamed corn, green beans, broccoli, or veggies for that matter, but they LOVE fruit.  I still put a small taste of veggies on their plates and they have to take two bites of everything regardless if they like it or not.  We’ve explained our kids had to do the same thing and by trying new foods and sometimes trying something more than once they’ll end up liking it.  Sometimes they get two servings of fruit with their meals just because I know they’ll eat it. 

The little things. We didn’t realize the little things that little ones learn when they are in a nurturing environment.  Our children knew the colors; the shapes; the ABC’s; the numbers; their right from their left; and how to zip a zipper, button a button, snap a snap, and put their clothes on by the age of 4.  We have worked very hard with our oldest foster son, who is 4 ½ now.  He didn’t know those things, but he does now. He can tell you how to spell his name, he can write his name, he recognizes a few letters of the alphabet – he can sing the ABC’s, he tries to write his brother’s name, he is drawing actual figures not just scribbles, he can count to 13, and a few other things.  He has made great strides.

His behavior has also improved. When he arrived in our home he had only one volume, extremely and obnoxiously LOUD.  He ran everywhere.  He didn’t listen to anyone and he tried to do whatever he wanted.  He absolutely did not share. He was polite – said thank you, but rude otherwise.  He would not sit still at mealtime. He would always try to interrupt others while they talked. He would do whatever he could to get any type of attention.  Those and other behaviors have not disappeared, but have improved. He still squirms at mealtime, but he asks permission to be excused from the table. He has various volumes now. He still doesn’t like to share. 

Our youngest foster son, presented more challenges.  When he arrived he was very distant, angry, defiant, and lacked communication skills.  The headway has been slower to recognize, but in hind sight he too has made great strides.  He went from physically hurting others to stopping and thinking before acting on his anger.  His only way of asking for help, was hitting us - on the arm or leg to get our attention - and yelling ‘hel’ which we interpreted to be ‘help’.  Now he gives hugs and kisses, sits on our laps or snuggles beside us, he is way more vocal, he tries to say more words/sounds, and he keeps learning how to do new things. 

It’s a work in progress and we will continue to work and teach them how to be respectful, polite, kind, and what is right/good from wrong/bad.  We will try to nurture them so they becoming loving and compassionate.  We will show them and teach them how to do new things.